I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
