The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
