remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
