do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
