Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
