I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
