doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
