if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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