Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
