My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A+ Viking dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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