I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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