That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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