Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
