see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
