I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
