Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
