I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're a waste of cheezeits
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
