Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
