Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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