why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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