Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
