Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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