i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
