Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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