My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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