Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
