Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
