I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
