I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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