i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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