He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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