i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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