it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize