Please, let me fuck your mom
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
