I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
