You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
