im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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