So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
