The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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