R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
