omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
