i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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