I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
