Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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