He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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