I love black thongs
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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