i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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