Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
