Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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