Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you still have your period?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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