He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
