it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
