I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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