I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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