You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
