Need sex. Gaining weight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
