"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
