I got her a Nickelback box set.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm at about main and main street
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
