how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
