Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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