my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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