That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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