it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
