please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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