the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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