my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
