as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
