lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
