U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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