saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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