when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
