he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
