You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
