I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Randomize
