i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
