he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
