Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
