i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
