I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
