Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
