Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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