MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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