Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
