how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
